There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
