apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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