all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
