I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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