She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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