how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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