Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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