Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize