Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i was born a porn star she said
the condom got lost in my hair
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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