my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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