I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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