If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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