Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize