actually, I'm a sock model
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
