Please, let me fuck your mom
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
