Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
