Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
