you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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