It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
