I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize