I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
try to milk me bitch
Randomize