Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
