I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Sext me about skeletons
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize