How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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