Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
