WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
