meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize