is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Sacagawea was the original milf.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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