sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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