A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
