I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
this is an emotional support booty call
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
