32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
