well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
