Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
