hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
