id be glad to
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
