I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
