My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
