the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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