i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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