Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
