he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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