I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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