I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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