It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
