i need an iv and a liver transplant
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
