you turned your livingroom into a bong?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
