Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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