I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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