My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
