the day after is always just damage control
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
