you have to choose: penises or morals?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
