I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
