he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
