Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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