i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
