Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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