I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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