i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize