My room smells like vodka and shame
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
