yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
