I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Randomize
