I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
home. puking in laundry basket.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
