I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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